Short Verse for the Long Game

Jesus wept.  

For school we have been memorizing Psalm 23.  When we were ready to move onto the next verse my son knew exactly which one.  The shortest verse in the Bible.  Jesus wept.  

I remember doing the same thing as a child.  I wanted to say I memorized a verse that was only two words.  The more I experience hurt and pain that is in my life and in the lives of those I love, the more I can see how important it is to have these two words stored in our hearts.

Jesus wept. 

He felt the pain of death and deep grief.  He saw the broken hearts of his friends.  He didn’t move on and say it’s okay to just look to the resurrection.  

He stopped and grieved with them.  

Then he moved on to healing the impossible and raising the one they were weeping over back to life.

Limited Emotions

Recently I was reflecting on emotions and the role they play in our lives.  It is so easy to stuff our emotions.  Keep only the positive ones and limit the full range we feel.  I limit who can see my pain.  That is for babies and toddlers, not grown ups.

I want to put a time limit on grief and mourning.  I’ve had real loss in my life.  I’m sure you have too. My house burned as an elementary school child, my brother died while I was living overseas, we lost a very wanted baby before they were born.  I grieved all these events.  But I wanted and still want to put a time limit on my grief.  

The thing is my heart and my body don’t have a time limit.  Through counseling I’ve learned that my body holds the pain that I have difficulty releasing.  I’m working on uncovering more of my beliefs around grief, and hurting, but I know that my heart and my body are looking for something different than what I’ve been doing.  

Do We Mourn Differently Than Jesus?

At Christian funerals we are told we mourn differently than the world.  We have a hope in Jesus.  This is true.  But do we mourn differently than Jesus.  When Jesus met death and the wailings of those who lost someone they dearly loved, he stopped and wept with them.  He experienced the weight of human emotion and he didn’t rebuke those who were mourning.  He didn’t tell them to stop.  He didn’t preach.  He joined them in weeping and mourning. 

It was four days after Lazarus had died.  Four days and the family was still weeping and mourning openly.  Publicly.  

And Jesus joined them in weeping.

It doesn’t matter how much time has passed.  Jesus sees your hurt and pain.  He is ready to join you in it.  

What Does Your Heart Desire?

My three year old has not yet learned to stop his tears.  And I realized I am jealous of him.  Whenever he is upset about not getting a cookie, or that his brother took a toy, or he is not getting his way he bursts into tears.  And I scoop him up.  We snuggle and I hold his body close.  I let him know that I’m here with him.  Sometimes we sit and rock, looking into each others eyes, until he knows he is loved and safe and calms back down.  He doesn’t always get what he wants, but he is held and comforted.  

I realized that is what I want.  When my heart is crying out that I’m hurting, I want to be held and rocked.  I want to know that I am not alone.  

I’m not sure what that looks like as an adult.  Today it looked like receiving a letter from a friend.  She wrote a note telling me I’d been on her heart because of our recent struggles with infertility.  I’m not alone.  It looked like having a picture of holding my three year old and imaging I too was being held.  It looks like seeing a counselor.  Past that I’m not sure, but I keep moving forward.

What does your hurting heart desire?  What are steps you can take towards healing?