Infertility is Bad Math

Starbucks Bunny by Diane Newcomer

Infertility makes for bad math  

It seems like there is constant subtraction and very little enjoyable addition.  

-Take away the chemical laced non-stick pans

-Take away processed foods 

-Take away caffeine

-Take away gluten

-Take away dairy

-Take away anything that might be inflammatory 

-Take away easy date nights because of all the food restrictions

-Take away illicit drugs (illicit drugs aren’t the best idea any season, and I’m guessing if you read my blog you know that one isn’t a struggle for me.)

+Add in probing doctors appointments

+Add in expensive lab work

+Add in supplements

+Add in charting

I’m sure there are many more ways that infertility is bad math for you.  After days, and months, and years it has become bad math for me.  

For the Better Doesn’t Mean Easy

It’s been an almost 10 year process of living a more fertility friendly lifestyle.  We started off going gluten free because my mom heard Elizabeth Hasselback on The View when she had infertility problems and went gluten free.  So I followed Elizabeth and eliminated gluten.  (My favorite part of this story is that my mom was sure she did not have a problem with gluten.  As it turns out, she has Celiac’s Disease. ) 

We changed to stainless steel cookware. 

We added the supplements. 

We added a water purifier. 

I tried yoga. 

We tried the Whole 30. 

I changed to natural deodorant. (That has been multi year in finding one I like.  Currently it is Plant Therapy .)

Some of the changes have been for the better.  It’s been a long process.  It has taken a lot of time and effort to make the changes.

I like cooking with cast iron and drinking out of stainless steel cups. 

I like the black out curtains in our bedroom.

I really do have a gluten intolerance and my life is better with less inflammation. 

Even if it is better it hasn’t been easy.

Living While Waiting 

But I also like a Starbucks refresher in the afternoon.  

And I like to follow the rules.  

Fertility experts say to cut out caffeine especially in the first trimester.  So for two weeks out of the month I wonder if I could be in the first trimester.  Should I follow the rules and not have caffeine because I might be pregnant?   

But month after month I’m not.  

And I could have been enjoying a simple pleasure in life that has been taken away by the “what if” of waiting.

For now, I’ve decided it’s summer and I’m going to enjoy a weekly Starbucks date with my youngest.  We’ve gotten in the habit of going to Starbucks on Tuesday mornings because in July drinks were half off.  It brings both of us joy.

My Summer Starbucks Date

I order the Trenta Strawberry Lemonade Refresher with no ice and split it over three days.  He loves ordering a water and sitting outside saying cheers after each sip.  

Does my drink have caffeine?  Yes

Does it have a bunch of sugar?  Yes

Does it make me happy? Yes 

Is it in moderation?  Yes

I’ve decided that I need to be able to break some of the rules involved with the bad math of infertility. 

I’m taking the supplements. I wake up and take my prescriptions. I’m eating gluten and dairy free. I’m cutting out so many things in my life in so, I’ve decided to add in something that makes me happy.  I’m not drinking 4 cups of coffee, but I’m giving myself the space to have some of I had categorized as off limits.

What are ways that you can break the bad math of infertility?  Is there something you can add in moderation that brings you joy?