Rethinking Date Night

Photo by Samantha Worthing

3 Truths and A Lie

Let’s play 3 truths and a lie.  I’ll go first because you’re the one reading.

1. I’ve had my first date canceled because of a suicide bomber.

2. I’ve been on a date on the Nile River.

3. I’ve been on a date in an actual castle.

4. I’ve been on a candlelight date by the Indian Ocean.

Since I met my husband in a war zone and he was my first boyfriend #1 is true.  We had to travel across the ocean to go on our first date at the Plaza in Kansas City over Christmas the year we met.  Our dates kept getting canceled because of suicide bombers.

One of the vacations we went on while overseas was to Cairo, Egypt.  We wandered into a restaurant on the Nile River.  It was a really hard season because my brother had just passed away.  The date was magical and something I never dreamed of being possible. #2 is also true.

Another magical vacation was to Goa, India.  All our best travel happened before we were married!  We went wandering along the shoreline and came upon a cove at dusk.  We had dinner overlooking the water with the only light being candlelight and and strung lights draping across the night sky.  It was one of the most dreamy dates I could imagine. #4 is true.

I’ve never been to a castle, but maybe I’ll win a grand vacation one day.

Now, we are married with 2 young boys.  Between covid and babysitters we have barely gone on a date for the past 2 years.  One of my favorite dates after emerging from Covid restrictions was going to the Symphony to see Rene Elise Goldsberry.  (Hamilton!!!) But that is the only fancy date we’ve had for years.

When we started dating we lived on a compound and were only able to leave when approved by the security manager.  It was months of dating without being able to go on a date.

At Home Date Nights

So we created our own dates at home.

We bought a “date plate” that we only ate on when it was a date night.  We watched dvds, and played games.  We went for walks.  So many walks.  Nights and night of walks.  And we fell in love without anything fancy.

While I love my magical dates, I’ve learned to think about dating my husband differently.  I look at the few moments we can steal away together and count it as a date.

Watching Indian Matchmaking on Netflix when the boys are asleep.  Date.

Going on a drive while the boys are about ready to go to sleep.  Date.

Sneaking over to the couch after dinner and chatting.  Date.

Playing ticket to ride. Date.

Going to our favorite taco place with the boys.  Date.

Going for a walk while the boys run ahead.  Date.

Dating is Expensive

If I listened to Christian advice, my husband and I would date weekly.  We would get a babysitter, or trade baby sitting with friends.  By the time we paid $50 for a baby sitter and $40-50 for dinner that is $100 a week to go eat together.  I know we could go do other activities, but that is adding even more to the price tag.  Then I feel guilty about spending so much money.  And I feel guilty about not dating the way the Christian marriage advice tells us that we should.

Dating Advice is Cultural not Biblical

But when I look at other cultures dating is very different.  Does the Christian advice for a weekly date night apply across cultures or is from a specific verse or command?  It does not.  So I’ve realized it could be good advice, but the Bible doesn’t tell us how to date. Christian dating advice is not necessary to have a solid marriage.

So I don’t date my husband.  At least not the way that I’m told I should.

We squeeze in alone time.

We talk about theology after dinner while he does the dishes.

We go for walks. We love walks together.

We go for drives.

We include the kids in playing games.

We sneak kisses during the work day.

We weed the yard together.

We sit on the couch and watch our boys dance.

We date simply and fall in love with each other everyday.

Then when the magical dates happen they are all the more magical.

I hope this frees you to consider dating in a different way.  Getting closer to your spouse everyday and not drifting apart is unique to each couple.  Go out for dates once a week, or don’t.  But grow together in life looking to find ways to connect everyday.