Fun Ideas for Thriving During the Holidays with Infertility
The Holidays. Ugh. They have the potential to be magical or just another reminder of life not turning out as you had hoped. Maybe last Christmas you dreamed of having a baby in your arms this Christmas. Maybe you have to meet up with your aunt who every year asks when you are going to start a family. Maybe you aren’t full of joy when it is supposed to be the “most wonderful time of year.”
This year my family doesn’t look the way I had hoped. I’m with you.
Here are Ideas for Surviving the Holidays with Infertility
Come Up With A Holiday Tradition
When we first married my husband had to work after Christmas, and we decided not to travel to either of our families for Christmas. That left us in a new city with no family and few friends. We went to Christmas Eve service and then looked at each other and said,
“What do we do now?”
“Let’s go to another.”
Then we went to another Christmas Eve service, and another.
Our favorite family tradition was formed out of having no kids and no family.
Every year we see how many Christmas Eve services we can fit in. We search for churches online and when they have their services. Then we map out when to go where. The most we have ever accomplished is 6 in one year. We call it the Night of all Nights. (And yes, now that we have children we take them with us. It’s the most adult church services they attend in a year.)
I get it. This isn’t for everyone.
But what can you do during the holidays that is just for you and your spouse?
Rent a hotel in town and watch Christmas movies?
Go ice skating?
Attend a holiday market.
Go to the gym and try a new sport like pickle ball. (I’ve never done this.)
Try an ethnic restaurant.
Check out Christmas lights across town.
Go to the Library and check out Christmas picture books and read them to each other.
Make gingerbread houses and have social media judge the winner. Or invite someone over to make them with you.
Mock a Christmas Movie together. My hubby doesn’t love a holiday romcom, BUT if we watch it with the intention of heckling the characters and talking back to the t.v. the whole time it is so much more fun! (Don’t have cable? You can rent one from your local library. Our library has the hoopla app with so many great resources and movies to download.)
You get the idea. What is something new, and fun that you can do with your spouse that will bring you joy together? For us, it’s singing Silent Night over and over.
Do Something With Your Hands
I love baking. So I always make Christmas cookies. You can make your own Christmas cards. Doodle Santa or Christmas Trees. This year I cut notecards in half and made my own present tags. It doesn’t have to be fancy or good. Just have fun being creative.
-Use Your Body Bi-Laterally While You Process
Sometimes big emotions come up. One of the best things my counselor suggested is to use both sides of your body while you process your emotions.
-Knit
I got a loom and learned how to knit a hat, scarves and a baby blanket. Did I need a hat, scarves or a baby blanket? No.
Did I use them? No. (I get it a baby blanket seems a little cruel, but my loom was small and I could figure out how to make a bigger blanket.)
The best part of knitting is that I was using both sides of my body while I thought and prayed and processed.
-Exercise with both sides of your body.
I LOVE swimming. While I was swimming last night, I realized that I was using both sides of my body while I thought and processed my week. Swimming has always been my go to when I needed to think.
-Elliptical
Put your hands on the bars and get moving with both sides.
-Needle Point
My mom loves to needle point. I love a small project. You can hit up your local craft store and find a small project like a bookmark or Christmas ornament to get started. It is easier than knitting in my opinion.
Say Yes
Did you get invited to a cookie exchange with a new group of friends. Say yes, even if you want to hide at home? Does your spouse have a company dinner? Say yes. Try your best to say yes to one event you are invited to participate in.
Say No
You don’t have to go to all the events. The family event that sets you off every year, bow out.
Find a balance. Challenge yourself to not hibernate and isolate, but don’t push yourself to a breaking point.
It’s okay to say no politely and not attend. You might be hurting family members feelings, but there is the rest of the year to connect.
Put Out the Invite
Invite friends over to watch your favorite Christmas movie.
See if your neighbors want to make gingerbread houses.
If you feel alone, take the first step.
One year we invited our friend group over to watch Christmas movies at our house. I made cute invites and everything. It flopped. People didn’t come and that’s okay, because we tried.
When you are going through infertility, the holidays can be hard. It brings up all the feelings. With a little intentionality they can be better.
Holiday Fun for Couples
I love a checklist, and created one just for you!
Based on this blog post, check off your holiday self care. (And Mock a Rom-Com).
Let me know what you’ve decided to do this holiday seasons. Leave a comment. I’d love to hear!
