3 Ways to Keep Your Faith Through Infertility

Stain glass praying hands digitally created by Diane Newcomer

Silent Killer. 

This term can be used for everything from carbon monoxide poisoning to, widow maker heart attacks, to stage 4 cancer.  While infertility is not a disease that kills you, it can become the silent killer of your faith.

There are so many questions with no answers.  Why her and not me?  Why didn’t it work this month? Why aren’t my prayers being answered?

Did I not eat the right foods,

take the right supplements,

have the right timing?

I’m sure there are questions that immediately popped into your head.

How do we take these hard questions and continue to actively have a life centered around the living Christ?

1. Treat your relationship with Jesus like any other close relationship.

Ever since I moved out of my parent’s house I have talked to my mom nearly everyday.  In college I would call her before I went to an early morning class or before I was headed to chapel.  I would call after lunch and in the afternoon to tell her about my friends or a paper I had to get finished.  When I moved overseas I would Skype about the weather or the students I was teaching.  Now we call every morning before we get out of bed just to check in.

Some days I have something important to share.

Most days I have nothing important to share and just want to connect.

Most days it takes us at least 3 times of saying goodbye before we hang up.

Some days I get frustrated that she isn’t paying attention or made me mad and I hang up.

We have an ongoing daily relationship where we can hear about each others daily life, share our love and frustrations with each other.

We don’t have to have a certain time or amount of time that we spend in prayer.  We don’t have to hide our feelings.  I am not the kind of person to hide my feelings from my closest friends, so I definitely don’t hide them from God.

I’ve read many people comment on Job and how God put him in his place for questioning Gods reasoning. BUT then I look at Hannah and her anguish pouring her broken heart before the Lord.  I look at the psalms filled with lament.  I hear King David, a man after God’s own heart, crying out passionately before the Lord.  I see Jesus in anguish in the garden having a panic attack about what was about to happen asking for the cup to be taken.

If we want to have a healthy relationship with Jesus then we need to remember other healthy, close relationships in our life and treat our conversations with Jesus similarly.

2. Keep trying new ways to connect with Christ

You don’t have to do what the books or podcasts tell you.  You don’t have to do what I’m telling you.  But keep trying to connect with Christ where you are ( at- read with or without the at but my mom doesn’t want a sentence ended in a preposition.)

For a season I used the She Reads Truth App daily and wouldn’t get out of bed until I finished my Bible reading.

After my miscarriage I didn’t want to read the Bible at all.  I managed to read the first chapter of Ruth on repeat for months and pray.

For some seasons I love to have Shane an Shane playing in the kitchen, others it’s Adventures in Odyssey, and others Hamilton.  (Oh yes, Hamilton draws me closer to Jesus.  Eliza’s forgiveness.  Can you imagine? If you love Hamilton like me I hope your having flashbacks to Philippa Soo grabbing Lin Manuels hand while he sobs.)

Sometimes I journal, most of the time I do not.

I like to read With God Daily from Skye Jethani and listen to the Holy Post.  But sometimes I don’t want to read about God daily and that’s okay.

I’ve been in the infertility community for awhile now.  I know there are women who take this time as an opportunity to study their Bible for hours a day.  They join Bible study groups and put forth impressive amounts of time reading the Bible.  They grow closer to to Jesus through extensive Bible study. There is nothing right or wrong about that. But if that is not where you are, congratulations!  I’m not either.  And that’s okay.  It’s okay for them to study and for me to not.

God knows my heart and in each season. No matter how my pursuing Him looks, He meets me there.

Keep pursuing.

3. Follow A Script

Don’t know what or how to pray?  Jesus disciples didn’t either.  So they asked and Jesus answer is the Lord’s Prayer.   

Not sure what you believe any more?  Say the Apostles Creed.

I talked about this last week, but when I truly am struggling with questions that don’t have answers or answers that I will ever like, I go back to the core of the Christian faith. 

The Apostles Creed. 

(I’ve even got a free printable if you want one to hang up while you memorize it.)

When you’ve thought,

wrestled,

prayed,

listened to the music,

read your Bible,

journaled,

done all the things,

and still are struggling

give yourself a break.

Follow the script and keep pressing on to another day.

I know I said keep trying new ways to connect with Christ, but if it’s just too much, it’s too much (and I’ve been there).

Stop trying all the things. 

Pare it back. 

Will yourself to repeat what you believe and pray what Jesus taught. 

Then be done.  And that’s okay.

Keep pressing forward friend.  You are not alone.